The Tell-Tale Heart… of America

Halloweekends at Cedar Point

Welcome back you crazy cannibals.  I apologize for the delay in this update, it’s been a busy week.  That being said, this will be the first of a double-post this evening, so prepare yourself.  Last weekend I went to the hearland of America, my home state, Ohio.  And in the northern part of the state lies one of my favorite places on this earth, Cedar Point amusement park.  So I spent Friday night at the park, enjoying their halloween event, Halloweekends.

I’ve been going to Halloweekends for a few years, and it’s generally a fantastic time, especially on the Friday evenings.  Crowds are lighter, and they pack this park with haunts galore.  Some are better than others, but for the most part they’re all at least decent.  And let’s be honest, there’s few things better than combining the best amusement park in the world with horrifying attractions.  So without further ado, let’s jump right into the haunts.

We had some dinner around 7:00, and by the time we were done, it was just starting to get dark outside.  And what’s even better, we got to see the parade of monsters.  Right before the haunts open, all of the monsters march in a parade to the center of the park for a pre-haunt ceremony.  Kind of cheesy, but the parade itself is pretty cool to watch.  Literally hundreds of creepy-ass characters walking in a giant horde.  Good stuff.

So by the time the monsters made their way to their haunts, we were in line for CornStalkers.

CornStalkers is a perennial haunt located in the trough for Cedar Point’s raft ride.  They load up the trough with, you guessed it, corn stalks.  But then they dump a bunch of fog in there, and with some really creative lighting and costumes, they’ve got a good haunt on their hands.  We got to go through this in our group of four (my brother, his girlfriend, and my friend Adam), and I was right in front.  I must say, there were at least 3 or 4 times where the actors really got me to jump.  It’s a very simple, but very effective haunt, and this was probably my best experience in it to date.  Giving it an 8/10.

After CornStalkers, we headed to the back of the park.  Cedar Point put in a brand new haunted house this year.  They actually constructed a brand new building just for this house.  It’s called the Eden Musee Wax Museum and Chamber of Horrors.

The premise here is pretty straight forward.  It’s one of those road-side museums with a dark twist.  I had seen the layout of this house earlier in the year, and for some reason I was thinking it seemed really short on paper.  But this is one of the best houses I’ve been through yet this season.  It starts in the wax museum portion, but obviously some of the characters aren’t what they seem.  Props to the make-up artists, as well as the actors, because I was on edge going past virtually all of the wax figures.  It was very hard to tell which were real.  And then the second half was more on the macabre side, with plenty of blood and body parts to be had.  Again it was just the four of us, and I was the target of many scares throughout.  Great addition to the line-up.  9/10.

Once we were done with Eden Musee, I was really on edge, but in a good way.  And that was great, because Cut Throat Cove was right next door.

So I was a little disappointed this year going into Halloweekends.  In recent years, one of the best things about Halloweekends was night rides on Millennium Force.  And that’s primarily because they used to have Terror Island, a haunt that was in the middle of Millennium’s course.  So while flying around the island on a coaster, you were diving in and out of fog whilst cannons were exploding and utter terror was below you.  Just an incredible experience.  However this year they re-located and re-named the haunt to Cut Throat Cove, now inside of Maverick’s course.

That being said, this was a pretty solid walk-through.  It was quite lengthy throughout, and for a “free-walking” haunt, I definitely had a few scares.  I say free-walking because there is no one controlling the line.  So you just walk right in, and go at your own pace.  Even with that, this was a solid haunt.  And there were some very cool views of Maverick that I’d never seen before, so that’s a plus as well.  The Maverick night ride through this haunt was good, but it doesn’t compare to Millennium of years past.  I’m giving this haunt a 6/10.

By this point, it was getting relatively late.  The Maverick line was a bit lengthy, and the park was generally somewhat crowded for a Friday night.  So we made our way around, and did three more haunts before we left.  The first was a scare zone called CarnEvil.

CarnEvil is exactly what you think it is (paging Dennis Greene).  It’s the clown-themed scare zone.  This is another perennial haunt located in the kiddie area of the park (that is obviously closed earlier).  I always like the costumes in this zone, but I generally think the haunt itself is pretty lame.  And this year was no different.  Not very scary, but fun to watch girls run screaming from a fake chainsaw.  4/10.

Our second-last haunt was Blood on the Bayou, a cajun-themed free-walk haunt located next to the waterway in the center of the park.

This was introduced last year, but I missed last year due to Halloween Horror Nights, so this was my first experience in this haunt.  I do like the different themes.. The first half was the messed-up rednecks with animal hides and generally gross things.  But then it transitioned into the Voodoo theme, with plenty of shrunken heads and strangely painted actors.  I liked Cut Throat Cove a little better, but this was enjoyable.  5/10.

And finally, we ended our night at Cedar Point with what has been my favorite house for the last three years.  G. A. Boeckling’s Eerie Estate.

Eerie Estate is just a straight up haunted house.  And what’s even better, they re-modeled it this year and changed the route through the maze, as well as adding new effects.  Now based on that, you’d think this was the best haunt of the night.  Unfortunately, we were put into a pretty big group going into this one, and we were way at the back.  So I didn’t get a single scare throughout, but I’m blaming most of that on the group.  I’m giving it a 6/10 this year, but I think it would have been an 8/10 if it was just the four of us again.

So that’s all of the haunts we went through at Cedar Point on Friday night, but there are PLENTY more throughout the park.  Club Blood; Eternity Infirmary; Maniacal Mechanical Screamworks; Fear Faire.  Plus there’s plenty of decent shows to see, and some delicious fall treats.  Overall, Halloweekends is an absolute blast.  I’m giving it an 8/10 overall.

Okay… so that’s it, right?  After all that haunting, you’d think I’d call it a night and turn down.  But you’d also be wrong.  The night was just getting started, kids!  Why, you ask.  Because Ghostly Manor, a year-round haunted house just down the street, had an event of their own going on… Lake Erie Fear Fest (LEFF)!  Five more haunted houses.  Let’s do it. http://lakeeeriefearfest.com/

Up first was Ghostly Manor itself.  And I’ll start by saying this was well-and-above the best one there.  I had been through Ghostly Manor before, but only in the summer.  It’s a LOT of animatronics, but really, really good ones.  And for LEFF, they added additional rooms onto the house by using trailers.  So this was a very long house.  The opening rooms were pretty good, but it was mostly just actors.  However… once you get into the Manor itself, it just became insane.  All of those rooms with crazy animatronics were now amplified even harder by having actors in them.  There are so many things going on at one time, it’s impossible to not be scared.  And what’s best, Adam and I were allowed to go through all of these houses by ourselves.  So this was really, really good.  9/10.

After Ghostly Manor, things took a steep turn for the worse, however.  The next house was “Caged,” which was basically a few large trailers that were nothing but mazes of chicken-wire and a few actors.  I hope you can see the problem here.  I could definitely see the problem, because I could literally see everything.  In a cage haunt, there’s nowhere for actors to hide, so there’s nothing to be scared of.  2/10.

Up third was Eerie Chateau (I think… these last few got jumbled for me).  These last three were all pretty short and to the point.  But Eerie Chateau was designed as a spooky castle through which you have to walk.  And eventually you make your way into some catacombs with some creepy scenery and such.  I liked the coffins in the walls, but overall this haunt was only decent.  5/10.

Fourth was DarkMare, which was more just a pain in the ass than anything.  It was essentially pitch black, and the majority of the time was spent just feeling your way around the maze.  And every now and then an actor with a flashlight would show up.  It could have been a lot scarier than it was.  But it just wasn’t.  4/10.

And finally, the final haunt of the night.  We were among the last customers of the evening, so I think everyone (including us) wanted to just get it over with.  We even saw the actors for Quarantine just hanging out outside the haunt before we showed up.  Anyway, they let them get back into place and in we went.  Quarantine was themed as a messed up medical center where some deformed people and demented doctors are lurking around.  There was a scare or two, but nothing memorable.  4/10.

Overall, I’d say LEFF was okay.  There’s a LOT of room for improvement here.  I would rather they just have all of the houses connected so it’s just one gigantic Ghostly Manor, since that is clearly the best one there.  But overall it was still enjoyable.  I’d give the event a 6/10 overall.

WHEW, okay.  So there you have it, my trip to Northern Ohio.  If you’re ever in the Sandusky area around this time of year, I strongly recommend checking out Halloweekends, but only if you’re going on Friday night.  Saturdays are among the worst days to go due to massive crowds.  As for LEFF, maybe give them a few years to iron out the kinks.

Until next time (in a few minutes), stay scary.

-Dvo