Archive for the Demented Human Category

Da Whistle Goes WOOOOOOO

Posted in Demented Human, Strange Creature with tags , , , , , , on May 15, 2017 by dtrain1008

midnight_meat_train

Midnight Meat Train

*creeeeeaaaaakk* Oh hello there. Please do come in. For those of you who have been here before, welcome once again to The Unholy Cathedral. But I have at least one new follower since last time, so if this is your first jaunt into the darkness, I hope your stay is pleasant… or rotten, as it were. Today we’re talking about Midnight Meat Train, a film based on a short story by Clive Barker (of Hellraiser fame, amongst others). I’d heard about this for a while, and saw that it was available on Netflix, so I gave it a.. stream? I stream blasted the hell out of it? I’m accepting ideas for new idioms referring to watching a movie. Let’s get into this before this Meat Train really goes off the rails.

A year before Bradley Cooper was in Zach Galifianakis’ Wolfpack in The Hangover, he was playing a man named Leon, who’s an aspiring photographer in New York. And like many photographers, they’re really trying to capture the gritty side of the city. You know, the parts with all the Nets fans. But he’s challenged by a successful artist to provide some photographs for her gallery, and slowly he uncovers a pattern of missing people. They’re all along a certain subway line. And as he digs further, he keeps encountering a strange man… Only one thing to do in this case. Stalk him! What could possibly go wrong?

Let’s see how badly things go wrong, as we go in for A Closer Look

Villain: Vinnie Jones (slow clap)! For real though, a mysterious butcher who’s riding the subway with sinister intentions.

How Do I Stop Him?: Well, the best advice I can give here is to avoid riding subways by yourself late at night. Nothing good is coming from that. It’s going to take you a long time to get where you’re going, you’re only going to meet the ultra-weirdos, and you’ll probably step in a bodily fluid of some sort along the way. But should you encounter this guy, just keep your eyes on him, don’t let him sneak up on you, and hopefully you brought a weapon to defend yourself.

Lessons Learned: The police, people. They work. I know, there’s the whole brutality thing. Whatever. But come on. If you’re tracking a dude who’s literally making people disappear, maybe you should take a step back and think things through. Also.. see the stuff above about subways. Also Subway restaurants. Jared Fogel, am I right?

Who Do I Watch With?: Here’s the thing. This is kind of a weird one. But it also has Bradley Cooper, who I’m given to understand is liked by the ladies. So I guess find a weird chick. That may apply to all movies though.

Movie Trivia: In Silver Linings Playbook, Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lawrence walk past a movie theater playing Midnight Meat Train. Also, this film’s opening in theaters was limited to only 102 “dollar” theaters, which was a major factor in its poor box office performance. And that’s the ONLY reason, trust me.

Rating the Flick

Villain: 6/10. Simple. Elegant. Effective. Nuprin. I liked the mystery behind our bad guy, and his motives aren’t really known… at least for a while. An interesting character, but there’s still room for improvement.

Scare Factor: 4/10.  Certainly not the scariest thing I’ve seen. There’s some suspense, and there’s a predominant dark tone to the movie, but in terms of actual scares, they’re pretty rare. The ending is pretty interesting though..

Gore Rating: Very Bloody Machete (4/5)

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A movie named Midnight Meat Train almost needs to have plenty of blood and guts, and I’d say it delivers. If blood makes you cringe, you might want to stay away from this train.

Overall Rating: 2.5 Meatball Subs

meatball

See what I did there? 😀 😀 I admit, it’s not my best work. But this is why I’m on the WordPress express, kiddos. Anyway, Midnight Meat Train lands somewhere in the middle for me. I liked the overall idea, and on paper it’s really cool. But there were parts of the movie that seemed a little forced to me, and the ending was kind of out there. But Vinnie Jones (who I recently learned played in the English Premier League) delivers a solid performance per usual, and I wasn’t entirely disappointed. If you’re a fan of horror, and looking for something a little less mainstream than your normal movies, this might be the one for you. So feel free to Netflix this so hard. Or… Roku your face off? Really need to work on that.

That’ll wrap this review up. Can I ask a favor though? I’m going to try to keep this blog going, but I want to see how big we can get this thing. Do me a favor and tell ONE person about this blog. A simple request, and maybe it’ll lead to more followers. I’m always looking for new fans (and suggestions). A friend literally told me 3 times in a row that I should see Alien: Covenant this weekend, but we’ll see whether or not that happens. I’m admittedly a little disappointed with the horror offerings lately. There’s not much that’s really catching my eye, other than It! Which, if you haven’t seen that trailer… well… I’ll just post it here for your enjoyment (for those reading in e-mail, you’ll have to go to the site for the video–deal with it).

Until next time, maybe give Uber a shot.

-Dvo

You Are Getting Sleepy…

Posted in Demented Human, Uncategorized with tags , , , on March 2, 2017 by dtrain1008

get_out

Get Out

Keep your eyes on the screen. You’re getting sleepy.. falling into a comforting rest. Your eyelids are starting to get heavier and heavier… Because you’re back to reading this mostly-boring horror blog again! Also I have now hypnotized you. But seriously, welcome back to the Unholy Cathedral, your not-very-regular-anymore source for horror movie reviews. I am your hypno- I mean.. caretaker, Dvo, and tonight we’ll be talking about the recent box office smash hit, Get Out. I’d seen plenty of trailers for this movie, and was excited to check it out even before the strong reviews came in. But once I saw the high praises from critics and audiences alike, I had to see this movie. So let’s jump in and see if it lives up to the hype.

Get Out is the story of a young couple who take a weekend to introduce the boyfriend to the girlfriend’s parents. But look out, he’s African-American, and she’s Brian Williams’ daughter. Hilarious hijinx are bound to ensue, right? It’s like the opposite of that Ashton Kutchar and Bernie Mac movie, right? Probably. Anyway, they arrive at the parents’ house, but something feels off. The housekeepers seem a little weird, and mom and dad seem like they have something they’re not telling him… White people, I tell you.

Get Out is Jordan Peele’s first foray into the horror genre, and I gotta throw props at him. He nails it with this really strong debut. Admittedly, this is more on the suspense side than gritty, blood-curdling horror. But it’s worthy of this blog, for sure. There are definitely a few parts that are pretty scary, and the acting is great throughout. Here’s to hoping Mr. Peele isn’t done with horror, and brings more to the table.

Let’s go to the place below, and dive in for A Closer Look

Villain: A family with evil intentions

How do I Stop Them?: Well… a few key points. First and foremost, they’re humans at the end of the day. Shoot ’em, stab ’em, run away.. the basics work here. But just don’t fall into their trap. And it helps if you’re not of African-American descent. And before you try to pull out the race card on this blogger, let me just say that’s the movie talking, not this blogger.

Lessons Learned: White people are jerks! For real though,  here are the big lessons. If something seems blatantly and shamelessly strange, just get out of that situation as quickly as you can. Also I’m not sure if hypnotism is real or not, but I’m not jumping in line to try that. Stay out of my brain, you animals.

Who Do I Watch With?: Anyone old enough to see it! It’s not that gory, not that adulterated, and generally an awesome flick. Grab some popcorn and enjoy with a friend.

Movie Trivia: Not too much on here, but I did find it interesting that Jordan Peele used the original Night of the Living Dead as inspiration for this film, since it has a black protagonist, and addresses racial issues in the framework of a horror movie.

Rating the Flick

Villains: 7/10. It’s very simple, but I’d say very strong. While things start expectedly, there’s some pretty crazy revelations along the way that make our villains quite interesting.

Scare Factor: A few chills (5/10)

It’s certainly not a “silly” movie, but also not terrifying. Mr. Peele does a good job of keeping us in a state of discomfort for the majority of the movie, but also provides a small bit of comic relief.

Gore Rating: Barely Bloody Machete (1/5)

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If you’re looking for blood and guts, look elsewhere. There’s a tiny bit of violence, but nothing that’ll make you squirm.

Overall Rating: 4/5 Teacups

teacups

Really strong effort here by Mr. Peele. I thought this was a pretty great movie from start to finish, and showed us a different style of horror that we haven’t seen. The story is very original, and was executed flawlessly. With that said, I think that in terms of pure horror movies, this one is missing something. It’s uncomfortable, but it’s not macabre. I’m giving Get Out the Unholy Stamp of Approval (USA! USA! USA!), but it falls just short of my top echelon. Regardless, if you get a chance, definitely check this one out. It’s worth the ticket price!

So that will wrap up this review. I know I keep making false promises at the ends of these blogs, but I’m gonna try to post more things on here, I promise. And if there’s anything you want me to review, let me know! Preferably movies though.. I’ve accepted that horror video game requests are more of a commitment, and have a lower chance of happening. Anyway, thanks again for reading! Hope to be haunting you again soon.

Until next time, Herbert Herbert.

-Dvo

Hush Little Baby…

Posted in Demented Human with tags , , , , , on May 1, 2016 by dtrain1008

hush_poster

Hush

You hear door creaking, and as the door finally gives, you hear the sound of many heavy wooden objects falling to the floor. A cloud of dust explodes around you, and you have to make your way through a seemingly-endless number of cobwebs to get to your destination. That’s right, kids. You’ve made it back to the Unholy Cathedral. Sorry for the mess… This place hasn’t been used in a while. So now that we’re nice and comfortable, let’s talk spooky things.

A friend of mine sent me a teaser for a new Netflix movie (yes, I’m back on Netflix streaming! I’m a proud member of the year 2008) that was just released this year, and it sounded pretty creepy on paper. And bad guys who wear human face masks are pretty scary. Did you see that cover? Look at that. Creepy.  Anyway, it’d been a while since I sat down for a good scary movie, and last night I decided to give Hush a spin.

Hush is the story of a deaf and mute writer who’s living on her own in a wooded area, where she’s working on her book. She has some good friends who are also her neighbors, and is struggling to wrap up her 2nd novel.  And even though she’s self-sustaining, her impairment leaves her in a true state of isolation from the rest of the world.  But not for long.. On this night, she has company, whether she likes it or not.  And this company has some sinister intentions…

Put in your hearing aids, and let’s go in for A Closer Look.

Villain: A murderous young man

How Do I Stop Him?: This guy is as human as they come. But he’s clever, and induces a lot of fear and panic into his victims prior to attacking them. So if you do run into him, be smart about it. Keep your cool. And hopefully you have a good weapon at your disposal.

Lessons Learned: For goodness sake… if your best sense is sight, and you’re looking to hide, you should find a place that allows you to see all entrances to your hiding spot. And I can understand some people wanting to live in a secluded area for peace and quiet. But if you’re deaf, it’s always quiet, no? Perhaps that’s a little insensitive. But also realistic.

Who Do I Watch With?: I think this is a pretty great horror flick for anyone interested in the genre.  And it has a similar feel to The Strangers, so I’d recommend watching this one with whomever you happen to live with. Protect your home, kiddos!

Movie Trivia: The entire film was shot in only 18 days. Also, there’s only 15 minutes of dialogue in the entire run time, so there’s more than an hour of the movie without any spoken words.

Rating the Flick

Villain: 7/10. This guy is a very good, crafty, killer. But he kind of contradicts himself along the journey. There are times where he shows his innate ability to maintain control of the situation with deception, marksmanship, and general fear.  But then there are times where he makes, simply put, really dumb decisions. It’s a good character, but just fell short of being great.

Scare Factor: 8/1o. Pretty creepy movie here. I thought the use of the mask was well done in this one (there’s more than meets the eye), but in general the scares start early on, and the director keeps the discomfort going from there on. You’ll be on edge a lot during this one.

Gore Rating: Moderately Bloody Machete (3/5)

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Oh yes, there’s some blood along the way too. Not to the point where you’ll be entirely grossed out, but it’s there. And I think it’s just the right amount for a movie like this. It brings the gravity of the situation to light, but isn’t excessive.

Overall Rating: 4/5 Silencers

silencer Because you’ll never hear it coming. Hush is a really strong movie. The storyline is entirely self-explanatory, and they don’t really set up a long plot line. Which, in this case, works great for it. GOING ON RECORD: I don’t love when horror movies go through elaborate stories and essentially make a mystery about the motives of the beast, and then “uncover” the means to survive/kill it.  Movies that do this well: Hellraiser, The Omen, The Conjuring. Movies that don’t: Van Helsing (ugh), recently Sinister IIThe Gallows.

Anyway, back on track… Hush just brings a very personal, “in-your-face” kind of terror. And the threat is very realistic, so I think the scares are legitimate. It’s a solid flick, but I think it just needed to be a liiiiitttle scarier to bring home a 4.5 or 5 rating.

That’ll wrap up this review, but if you have Netflix, give it a try sometime! One of my more loyal listeners has been pushing more creepy video games my way, so eventually there may be some of that coming. But also, coaster season starts this week, so maybe I’ll write some things about that as well. In any case, I’ll try to keep the content coming at your source for all things scary.

Until next time, lock your doors.

-Dvo

Maroon Peek?

Posted in Demented Human, Ghost/Demon, Uncategorized with tags , , , , on October 26, 2015 by dtrain1008

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Crimson Peak

Greetings again, kiddos.  We’re LESS THAN A WEEK from the witching hour! And I’m slacking harder than ever!  Many apologies for the lack of updates this month. Let’s see if we can do better this week.  Last week, I saw the new flick currently in theaters, Crimson Peak, directed by Guillermo Del Toro.  I’m a fan of his.  Pan’s Labyrinth is very cool, and if you haven’t seen The Orphanage, I strongly recommend checking that one out this Halloween season.   But this time we’re talking about his most recent film, so let’s dive right in.

Crimson Peak is the story of a young aspiring author, Edith, who lives in New York with her father.  But when a charming aristocrat from Europe shows up in town looking for investors, she becomes smitten with him. He’s very mysterious, but has a charm to him. Nonetheless, Edith’s father clearly does not approve.  But when his sudden death leaves Edith all alone, she finds comfort in her new love, and goes back to Europe with him… only to find dark secrets in her new home.  We’re not in… New York any more.

Wipe of the blood, and let’s go in for A Closer Look.

Villain: **SPOILER ALERT** Devious siblings looking to bring a lovely lady back to their home…

How Do I Stop Them?: Well, for one don’t be completely naive. It’s very rare that two life-changing things happen at the same time, so maybe stop to consider that maybe those two things are related… Maybe this should be a lesson learned. But if you do fall victim to this, find a way to either get some help, or just get the hell out of there.

Lessons Learned: See above. This chick is dumb. Fo real.

Who Do I Watch With?: This one’s pretty tame overall A little bit of blood, but overall not too intense.  It’s got a creepy feel, and Del Toro makes a decent film, so bring a date and enjoy this one.

Movie Trivia: The house in this film was built in its entirety, and all of the parts used to make it were obtained specifically for the house.. nothing was re-used or salvaged. Also, Neither of the two leading actors were the first selections for their respective roles. The first choices were Benedict Cumberbatch and Emma Stone.

Rating the Flick

Villain: 6/10. Del Toro does a good job of keeping the sinister side of the siblings subtle.  Ultra alliteration combo achieved!  But the characters have a very good mystique about them, and Jessica Chastain delivers a very strong performance as Lucille.

Scare Factor: 5/10. It’s not a walk in the park, as there are certainly some really cool, creepy visuals throughout.  And a few “gotchas” along the way.  But in terms of truly scary, Crimson Peak doesn’t hit the mark.

Gore Rating: Slightly Bloody Machete (2/5)

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Like I said earlier, there’s not a ton of blood and guts here. But there is some very good use of color throughout the movie, as I’m sure you can guess, based on the film’s title.  Not much that should make you nauseous though.

Overall Rating: 3/5 Bloody Womenwomen

Because British puns! I dare say that’s one of the creepier ratings scales I’ve used, and just in time for Halloween.  Anyway, overall I enjoyed the movie.  It’s got a pretty interesting story, some very beautiful sets and costume work, a lot of really cool color schemes, and pretty strong acting all around.  Oh and did I mention the creepy spirits? Del Toro is a pretty imaginative guy, and it shows once again in Crimson Peak.  I do think it could be a little scarier, and the latest trailers made it seem like we were in for a pretty scary time.  Also, I was a tad disappointed at the ending, but it wasn’t a bad one by any stretch.  The long story short is, this is a pretty cool movie if you’re looking for a dark flick.  But if you’re looking for the scare-a-thon for Halloween week, this might not be what you’re looking for.

So that’ll wrap up this review.  I hope you’re all getting your fill of horror this season, but if not, there may still be more to come here… and there’s an #Unholy party taking place in Aurora this weekend!  The house is looking scary, and maybe I’ll put some pictures on here when it’s all said and done.

Until next time, keep the scares strong.

-Dvo

Anarchy in the USA

Posted in Demented Human on March 28, 2014 by dtrain1008

Purge_Poster

The Purge

Happy Friday, Unholy Minions!  And welcome back to The Unholy Cathedral.  This week I’ve got a review that should have been posted a week ago, since that’s when I watched The Purge.  But due to some conflicts, I’m just now putting it on internet paper. Nonetheless, this is a movie I really wanted to see in theaters, but just never got around to it.  The previews had strong similarities to movies like The Strangers, with creepy people in masks messing with our protagonists, who are shacked up in their home.  And if The Strangers was any indication, this would likely be a really scary flick.  I guess rather than go too far into it here, let’s just jump right in.

The Purge is a film set in the near-future United States, where the New Founding Fathers have re-shaped society to reduce crime and violence to an all-time low… with one stipulation.  One night out of the year, there is an annual “Purge,” during which all crimes are legal, in order for the miscreants to cleanse their souls.  Some people exercise their right to purge, and go to the streets to embrace the day by looting and murdering.  Others, like a security system salesman played by Ethan Hawke, remain in the comfort of their well-protected home until the Purge is complete.  But an unexpected thing happens this year… His son lets in a vagrant who is desperate for help.  But that shouldn’t be too much of an issue, right?  Well, now there’s some strange people in creepy masks knocking at the door and making threats.  And now the power is knocked out.  Might be time to… hide ya kids, hide ya wives.  They purgin errbody.

Let’s go in for A Closer Look.

Villain: “The Freaks,” a group of unruly citizens looking to kill a vagrant who is being housed by a family during the Purge.

How do I Stop Them?: Weeeelllllll you kill them, as is your legal right during the Purge.  Or, you give them what they want.  Which, I would hope isn’t as difficult of a task as it was for the family in this movie.

Lessons Learned: Lesson 1: There’s a reason fathers are often over-protective of their daughters.  Respect.  Lesson 2: Don’t trust children with anything.  If you’re a family who takes very good care to keep your house safe, you should probably make sure that the kids can’t extremely-easily control the security system.  Lesson 3: If you’re a participant in a future Purge, and the homeless guy you’re planning on killing gets away… just find another one.  It’ll probably be way less trouble for you. **Disclaimer** The Unholy Cathedral does not condone killing, and the last lesson is made under the pretense that the reader would already have otherwise participated in The Purge.

Who Do I Watch With?: I’d say this one could be enjoyed by most people who have an interest in horror. It’s not extremely terrifying, not extremely gory, but it’s a pretty interesting concept, and I thought it was a fun watch.

Movie Trivia: Director James DeMonaco got the idea for this film after his wife made a comment about a road rage episode he had.  Also (more importantly of course), there was a Scare Zone themed to The Purge at Halloween Horror Nights at Universal Studios Hollywood in 2013… which Yours Truly got to experience in person. 😀

Rating the Flick

Villain: 8/10.  You know, I really love “The Freaks.”  Their intention is made very clear from the moment they’re introduced, and they have an extremely laissez-faire attitude towards the whole thing.  All friendships are cast aside for the sole purpose of participating in The Purge.  And let’s be honest– those masks are damn creepy.

Scare Factor: 5/10.  I’m going right down the middle on this one, because I think someone who is easily scared would be pretty freaked out by this movie.  But to a well-versed viewer, it wasn’t exactly as “horror” as I was expecting.  It’s almost like the Jodie Foster flick “Safe Room,” but with scarier people get in.  Still not a walk in the park by any stretch, but I wasn’t on the edge of my seat too much.

Gore Rating: Slightly Bloody Machete (2/5)

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Not a ton of blood and guts here.  There are some violent moments throughout, but none of it is entirely cringe worthy.  I kind of wish the Freaks had some more creative weaponry, but it’s not a take-away from the film.

Overall Rating: 3.5 Hawks named Ethan

hawks

Just trust me, their names are all Ethan. I’ll admit, a lot of the reason I didn’t see this in theaters was that it got pretty crappy reviews.  So I figured I would wait until DVD.  And that may have helped this one out, just because I went in with pretty low expectations.  Nonetheless, I actually kind of enjoyed The Purge.  It’s a far cry from a top-notch horror flick, but I think it’s a very interesting concept, and it’s generally a fun flick to watch.  It is certainly strange seeing Queen Cersei from Game of Thrones with short black hair, but I’ll allow it.

So there you have it.  I think this is a flick that I would watch again sometime in the future.  I’m guessing it’ll find its way onto the tv airwaves within the next year or two.  And there’s a sequel in the works as well (trailer below), so be ready for more Purging.  That sounds really eating disorder-y, for the record.  Anyway, stay tuned, because there should be more updates on the way.  I got a request for an Australian movie today (who knew?), and there will be some fantastic coaster coverage coming up soon too, as parks will be opening in just a few weeks.  And if you haven’t Unleashed Hell yet, hit the link at the top right so you’re getting updates straight to your e-mail!

[youtube:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XzFCDqKE4yA%5D

Until next time,

Your horror blogger thanks you for participating in this somewhat-regular review.

-Dvo

 

Misery Business

Posted in Demented Human on March 13, 2014 by dtrain1008

misery_poster 

Misery

Well then… how bout this.  I’m back again!  Perhaps I’m getting back into a groove here… only time will tell.  But it’s the middle of March, and we’re still getting snowed on, so what better time than now to hanker down and watch a chilling horror movie.  For those of you loyal subscribers (thanks again!), welcome back to the Unholy Cathedral.  This week’s film is another movie based on a Stephen King novel, Misery.  And not only that, Kathy Bates won the Best Actress award at the 1990 Oscars for her portrayal of Annie Wilkes.  I had actually never seen this movie before this week, if you can believe it.  So there was a lot of potential, and I’d say that Misery didn’t disappoint.

Misery is the story of renowned author who goes to Colorado to finish his latest novel, the finale in a well-known series.  He rents a secluded cabin in the mountains to keep his mind clear, as he has always done with his books.  However, as he is departing for home after finishing the novel, a bad snow storm hits, and he drives his car off of the treacherous mountain road.  Fortunately for Paul, he wakes up in a bed of a good samaritan who rescued him from the cold.  His legs are both broken, but he will heal.  And even better, the good samaritan is a nurse who happens to be a big fan of his books.  Sure she’s quirky, but not that bad, right?  Although.. why is it taking so long to get her telephone working again?  And why is his room door always locked from the outside? Maybe Misery does love company…

So take your pills, and let’s go in for A Closer Look

Villain: An overly-obsessed sociopath who traps a bed-ridden author in her home

How Do I Stop Them?: Well, should you find yourself in this situation, you’re in a pretty bad predicament.  But do remember that they’re still human, so take advantage of any opportunity you can.

Lessons Learned: Only a few lessons this time.  First, driving on mountain roads during a blizzard is never a good idea.  Plan your travel accordingly, kids.  Also, I’m learning that people in rural towns are never to be trusted.  There are some shady characters out there.  Who knows what those people do for “fun.”

Who Do I Watch With?:  Misery is great for just about anyone.  Maybe not for the children, but it’s just a good flick throughout.

Movie Trivia: Some pretty interesting trivia here.  Jack Nicholson was offered the role of Paul Sheldon, but declined because he was uncertain about doing another movie based on a Stephen King novel after what he went through while filming The Shining.  Also, Stephen King has admitted that Annie Wilkes’s character is based on his battle with substance abuse, and how he was unable to escape it for some time.

Rating the Flick

Villain: 9/10.  This is one twisted woman.  Her plot is incredibly simple, yet extremely effective given the circumstances.  Too many times it seems like our protagonist is on his way to freedom, but then his plans are thwarted.  And all the while, Annie becomes more and more sinister, even though she tries to hide it with her personality.

Scare Factor: 6/10.  I kind of struggled here.  It’s certainly not a terrifying movie in the normal horror sense, but there’s a certain realism that is present here, and it makes Misery a really creepy film.  There’s virtually no blood nor guts, but I will say there’s one cringe-worthy scene that stands out in the movie.  In any case, Misery is a creepy look into just how crazy people can be.

Gore Rating: Barely Bloody Machete (1/5)

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As I said above, there’s basically no gore whatsoever.  But there are some scenes of pretty brutal violence that might make you look away.  So don’t worry too much here.

Overall Rating: 4/5 foam fingers.

fingers 

Misery is great in a lot of ways.  I touched base on this a little, but it’s either incredibly unlucky, or really impressive how well Annie Wilkes is able to maintain complete control over this situation.  And Kathy Bates really does a fantastic job at bringing this character to life.  Another thing to point out is that even though the premise of this movie sounds incredibly monotonous and boring, the director does a very good job of keeping us interested by cutting between the local sheriff’s investigation and our protagonist.  That’s not to say it’s an edge-of-your-seat kind of movie, but it’s certainly not boring.

So that’ll wrap this review up.  This is a classic flick for a reason, and I’m glad it was recommended to me.  If you’re ever in the mood for a tamer, but entertaining horror movie, this might be a good choice.  Now for what’s upcoming… I’ve got a pretty recent movie in the queue next, but also, I got in touch with a colleague, and soon we’ll be blowing up the walls to this cathedral.

I’ll spill the beans a little… as many of you know, I’m not only an avid horror fan, but also a big fan of theme parks.  So this year, I’m looking to expand this blog to not only cover horror movies, but also amusement parks.  And with this expansion, I’m bringing on (at least) another contributor to the blog.  We’re still working out the details of how this will work, but the prime goal here is to keep the Unholy Cathedral going.  Whether that means just putting everything on here, or re-thinking the site, I’ll keep you posted.  But that’s where we’re going.  I hope you are all open to reading about some nerdy coaster talk, but please feel free to express your opinions in the comments.

I’ll leave it at that for now.  But stay tuned, because as I said there’s more horror on the horizon.

Until next time… who’s my number 1 fan?

-Dvo

 

Carrie On My Wayward… Daughter?

Posted in Demented Human on March 2, 2014 by dtrain1008

carrie_poster

Carrie

Oh Hello.  Glad to see you all again… I hope you’re glad to see me.  By now you’re probably thinking that the Unholy Cathedral is a run-down, abandoned shanty.  But I assure you, the darkness lives on.  I’ve been quite busy as of late, but I finally made some time today to watch a scary movie.

This time, we’re getting a re-make of the 1970’s Stephen King classic, Carrie.  I must say, in terms of re-makes, this was one that I was genuinely excited for.  I love the original film with Sissy Spacek, but this rendition brings some raw talent in Julianne Moore and Chloe Grace Moretz, of Kick Ass fame, but who is also no stranger to horror (see: Let Me In).  So with a solid story, and a strong cast, the Carrie re-make had a lot of potential.  Let’s take a ride to prom night and see how this panned out.

I’m guessing everyone knows the story… but for this paragraph, pretend you don’t.  Carrie is the story of a young girl who was raised by an overwhelmingly religious mother.  She’s in high school, a place full of cliques, pranks, and worst of all, sin.  Carrie does her best to keep to herself, but one day an embarrassing situation takes place, and she becomes the laughing stock of the school.  Things can’t get much worse, or so it would seem.  School and home are both miserable places.  There’s nowhere to escape.  But why is the popular boy at school asking her to prom?  And wait.. did that book just move on its own?  This seems ominous…

Lock the gymnasium doors; we’re taking A Closer Look

Villain: This is kind of a tricky one, because the “protagonist” is a ruthless murdering telekinetic outcast.  But I’m going with… BULLIES!  These high school kids these days, I tell you.  Always picking on people.  And slaughtering pigs.  Wait.. what?

How Do I Stop Them?: Well, if we’re strictly going by this film, definitely do NOT let the school administration “handle” it.  But these bullies are only human, so if you’re really looking to stop them, murder is an option. *DISCLAIMER* The Unholy Cathedral and writer therein does not condone murder, regardless of situation, and is solely using this film as an example. [/end legal jargon]

Lessons Learned: Bullying is bad, and if you do it YOU WILL DIE.  Honestly that’s the big take-away from this movie.  All you popular high school kids… you are jerks!  Stop being jerks.

Who Do I Watch With?: This one is pretty friendly in terms of horror.  It’s not too terrifying, and not too gross.  So grab a date and make it a date movie.

Movie Trivia: This is the first adaptation of this film (there was an earlier re-make in 2002) in which the lead role was actually played by a teenager.  Chloe Grace Moretz was 15 during filming.  Who would have thought… high school aged actors playing high school kids!  Improbable.

Rating the Flick

Villain: 5/10.  Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing “bad” about the villains in this movie.  They do a fine job.  But the story is more about the transformation of our protagonist, and less about the evil deeds of her high school peers.

Scare Factor: 4/10.  I wouldn’t say this movie is entirely “scary” as much as it is gripping.  It’s a pretty intense movie, with a lot of conflict throughout the entire duration.  A lot of movies nowadays add some comic relief, but this one, for the most part, didn’t.  I don’t think the intention of this film is to truly scare us, so 4/10 really ain’t that bad.

Gore Rating: Moderately Bloody Machete (3/5)

3_5_machete

 

Definitely not the goriest of films, but there’s certainly some blood along the way.  I think as long as you’re not very easily grossed-out, you should be fine here.

Overall Rating: 3/5 Swine

pigs

Squeal, piggy!  This movie is quite the ham.  Okay, I’m stopping with the pig puns, but one day I hope they help to bring home the bacon.  Anyway, I’d say this movie is a success.  It’s not the scariest movie, but it’s certainly entertaining, and I think it holds pretty true to the original story.  Julianne Moore delivers a fantastic performance as the over-burdening mother, and Ms. Moretz does a pretty great job, especially considering she was only 15 at the time.  So if you’re in the mood for a decent horror flick, but you don’t want to venture too far off the beaten path, this flick might be just what you’re looking for.

So that’ll do it for this review.  Thanks for being patient while I’ve been on my leave of absence.  I have another movie ready to go, so hopefully I’ll be watching that shortly.  The next one is another classic, but I actually have never seen it.  Call me excited.  So stay tuned, and make sure you’re signed up for my e-mail updates!

A few final notes.  First, if you’re not aware, some friends of the blog, as well as yours truly, host a bi-weekly podcast about… whatever strikes our fancy.  So if you’re looking for an easy-going, sometimes funny podcast, check it out at http://www.easilydistractedthepodcast.com.  And finally, a bit of news.  The Unholy Cathedral is going under renovation within the coming months.  You probably won’t be seeing strictly horror reviews on here any more.  And with that said, I may even be inviting a new contributor to the site.  There will be more to follow, but if you have any suggestions for scary things to be seen, I’m always open ears!

Until next time, bring the fire.

-Dvo