Archive for Netflix

Da Whistle Goes WOOOOOOO

Posted in Demented Human, Strange Creature with tags , , , , , , on May 15, 2017 by dtrain1008

midnight_meat_train

Midnight Meat Train

*creeeeeaaaaakk* Oh hello there. Please do come in. For those of you who have been here before, welcome once again to The Unholy Cathedral. But I have at least one new follower since last time, so if this is your first jaunt into the darkness, I hope your stay is pleasant… or rotten, as it were. Today we’re talking about Midnight Meat Train, a film based on a short story by Clive Barker (of Hellraiser fame, amongst others). I’d heard about this for a while, and saw that it was available on Netflix, so I gave it a.. stream? I stream blasted the hell out of it? I’m accepting ideas for new idioms referring to watching a movie. Let’s get into this before this Meat Train really goes off the rails.

A year before Bradley Cooper was in Zach Galifianakis’ Wolfpack in The Hangover, he was playing a man named Leon, who’s an aspiring photographer in New York. And like many photographers, they’re really trying to capture the gritty side of the city. You know, the parts with all the Nets fans. But he’s challenged by a successful artist to provide some photographs for her gallery, and slowly he uncovers a pattern of missing people. They’re all along a certain subway line. And as he digs further, he keeps encountering a strange man… Only one thing to do in this case. Stalk him! What could possibly go wrong?

Let’s see how badly things go wrong, as we go in for A Closer Look

Villain: Vinnie Jones (slow clap)! For real though, a mysterious butcher who’s riding the subway with sinister intentions.

How Do I Stop Him?: Well, the best advice I can give here is to avoid riding subways by yourself late at night. Nothing good is coming from that. It’s going to take you a long time to get where you’re going, you’re only going to meet the ultra-weirdos, and you’ll probably step in a bodily fluid of some sort along the way. But should you encounter this guy, just keep your eyes on him, don’t let him sneak up on you, and hopefully you brought a weapon to defend yourself.

Lessons Learned: The police, people. They work. I know, there’s the whole brutality thing. Whatever. But come on. If you’re tracking a dude who’s literally making people disappear, maybe you should take a step back and think things through. Also.. see the stuff above about subways. Also Subway restaurants. Jared Fogel, am I right?

Who Do I Watch With?: Here’s the thing. This is kind of a weird one. But it also has Bradley Cooper, who I’m given to understand is liked by the ladies. So I guess find a weird chick. That may apply to all movies though.

Movie Trivia: In Silver Linings Playbook, Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lawrence walk past a movie theater playing Midnight Meat Train. Also, this film’s opening in theaters was limited to only 102 “dollar” theaters, which was a major factor in its poor box office performance. And that’s the ONLY reason, trust me.

Rating the Flick

Villain: 6/10. Simple. Elegant. Effective. Nuprin. I liked the mystery behind our bad guy, and his motives aren’t really known… at least for a while. An interesting character, but there’s still room for improvement.

Scare Factor: 4/10.  Certainly not the scariest thing I’ve seen. There’s some suspense, and there’s a predominant dark tone to the movie, but in terms of actual scares, they’re pretty rare. The ending is pretty interesting though..

Gore Rating: Very Bloody Machete (4/5)

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A movie named Midnight Meat Train almost needs to have plenty of blood and guts, and I’d say it delivers. If blood makes you cringe, you might want to stay away from this train.

Overall Rating: 2.5 Meatball Subs

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See what I did there? 😀 😀 I admit, it’s not my best work. But this is why I’m on the WordPress express, kiddos. Anyway, Midnight Meat Train lands somewhere in the middle for me. I liked the overall idea, and on paper it’s really cool. But there were parts of the movie that seemed a little forced to me, and the ending was kind of out there. But Vinnie Jones (who I recently learned played in the English Premier League) delivers a solid performance per usual, and I wasn’t entirely disappointed. If you’re a fan of horror, and looking for something a little less mainstream than your normal movies, this might be the one for you. So feel free to Netflix this so hard. Or… Roku your face off? Really need to work on that.

That’ll wrap this review up. Can I ask a favor though? I’m going to try to keep this blog going, but I want to see how big we can get this thing. Do me a favor and tell ONE person about this blog. A simple request, and maybe it’ll lead to more followers. I’m always looking for new fans (and suggestions). A friend literally told me 3 times in a row that I should see Alien: Covenant this weekend, but we’ll see whether or not that happens. I’m admittedly a little disappointed with the horror offerings lately. There’s not much that’s really catching my eye, other than It! Which, if you haven’t seen that trailer… well… I’ll just post it here for your enjoyment (for those reading in e-mail, you’ll have to go to the site for the video–deal with it).

Until next time, maybe give Uber a shot.

-Dvo

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Hush Little Baby…

Posted in Demented Human with tags , , , , , on May 1, 2016 by dtrain1008

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Hush

You hear door creaking, and as the door finally gives, you hear the sound of many heavy wooden objects falling to the floor. A cloud of dust explodes around you, and you have to make your way through a seemingly-endless number of cobwebs to get to your destination. That’s right, kids. You’ve made it back to the Unholy Cathedral. Sorry for the mess… This place hasn’t been used in a while. So now that we’re nice and comfortable, let’s talk spooky things.

A friend of mine sent me a teaser for a new Netflix movie (yes, I’m back on Netflix streaming! I’m a proud member of the year 2008) that was just released this year, and it sounded pretty creepy on paper. And bad guys who wear human face masks are pretty scary. Did you see that cover? Look at that. Creepy.  Anyway, it’d been a while since I sat down for a good scary movie, and last night I decided to give Hush a spin.

Hush is the story of a deaf and mute writer who’s living on her own in a wooded area, where she’s working on her book. She has some good friends who are also her neighbors, and is struggling to wrap up her 2nd novel.  And even though she’s self-sustaining, her impairment leaves her in a true state of isolation from the rest of the world.  But not for long.. On this night, she has company, whether she likes it or not.  And this company has some sinister intentions…

Put in your hearing aids, and let’s go in for A Closer Look.

Villain: A murderous young man

How Do I Stop Him?: This guy is as human as they come. But he’s clever, and induces a lot of fear and panic into his victims prior to attacking them. So if you do run into him, be smart about it. Keep your cool. And hopefully you have a good weapon at your disposal.

Lessons Learned: For goodness sake… if your best sense is sight, and you’re looking to hide, you should find a place that allows you to see all entrances to your hiding spot. And I can understand some people wanting to live in a secluded area for peace and quiet. But if you’re deaf, it’s always quiet, no? Perhaps that’s a little insensitive. But also realistic.

Who Do I Watch With?: I think this is a pretty great horror flick for anyone interested in the genre.  And it has a similar feel to The Strangers, so I’d recommend watching this one with whomever you happen to live with. Protect your home, kiddos!

Movie Trivia: The entire film was shot in only 18 days. Also, there’s only 15 minutes of dialogue in the entire run time, so there’s more than an hour of the movie without any spoken words.

Rating the Flick

Villain: 7/10. This guy is a very good, crafty, killer. But he kind of contradicts himself along the journey. There are times where he shows his innate ability to maintain control of the situation with deception, marksmanship, and general fear.  But then there are times where he makes, simply put, really dumb decisions. It’s a good character, but just fell short of being great.

Scare Factor: 8/1o. Pretty creepy movie here. I thought the use of the mask was well done in this one (there’s more than meets the eye), but in general the scares start early on, and the director keeps the discomfort going from there on. You’ll be on edge a lot during this one.

Gore Rating: Moderately Bloody Machete (3/5)

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Oh yes, there’s some blood along the way too. Not to the point where you’ll be entirely grossed out, but it’s there. And I think it’s just the right amount for a movie like this. It brings the gravity of the situation to light, but isn’t excessive.

Overall Rating: 4/5 Silencers

silencer Because you’ll never hear it coming. Hush is a really strong movie. The storyline is entirely self-explanatory, and they don’t really set up a long plot line. Which, in this case, works great for it. GOING ON RECORD: I don’t love when horror movies go through elaborate stories and essentially make a mystery about the motives of the beast, and then “uncover” the means to survive/kill it.  Movies that do this well: Hellraiser, The Omen, The Conjuring. Movies that don’t: Van Helsing (ugh), recently Sinister IIThe Gallows.

Anyway, back on track… Hush just brings a very personal, “in-your-face” kind of terror. And the threat is very realistic, so I think the scares are legitimate. It’s a solid flick, but I think it just needed to be a liiiiitttle scarier to bring home a 4.5 or 5 rating.

That’ll wrap up this review, but if you have Netflix, give it a try sometime! One of my more loyal listeners has been pushing more creepy video games my way, so eventually there may be some of that coming. But also, coaster season starts this week, so maybe I’ll write some things about that as well. In any case, I’ll try to keep the content coming at your source for all things scary.

Until next time, lock your doors.

-Dvo